Kevin Matthew Kruse

November 7, 2005 - May 2, 2008

 

Our sweet boy filled our life with happiness and joy for 2 1/2 years. He fought congenital heart disease since the day he was born, but filled his short life with love, smiles, and laughs. He touched so many lives and was loved by all. He will be missed more than words can even describe.

“Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.” — Anonymous

 

From Mom

To my sweet boy Kevin,

Thank you for being my little boy. I thought we would have so much more time than we did, but we made the short time you were here amazing. From the time I found out you would be born with a sick heart I knew I had to love you with my whole self and not hold back. You taught us how to live and the true meaning of life. You defied the odds and did it with a huge grin on your face. I wonder if somehow you knew to live life the way you did. You never held back and lived everyday like it was the very best day of your life.

You taught me to treasure the everyday occurrences for the true miracle that they are. It is not about big trips or expensive toys but sitting together on the front step eating a Popsicle. I loved when we would sit on the couch watching Charlotte’s Web and you would fall asleep in my arms as I ran my fingers through your hair. Somehow you knew to love the simple things in life and taught us all to do the same.

It is so hard to let you go and say goodbye. I remember telling you when you were two weeks old that if you were tired and had to go it was ok, but if you could, I needed you to fight. And fight you did. You gave us 2 1/2 years of pure joy. Your relationship with your daddy is something that I will treasure forever. Watching you two warmed my heart everyday. You inherited your daddy’s crazy dance moves and weren’t shy about showing them off. I am so grateful that we have so much video of you dancing like a maniac and laughing hysterically the whole time.

You touched so many people in your short time here.  You were an amazing, resilient, strong and happy little boy. I feel honored to be your mommy and I am so lucky that I had you. I find it very difficult to adequately express what a joy you were to everyone around you. You had a sparkle in those big blue eyes that set you apart. I know every mom thinks their child is special, but I truly believe that you were a special gift that I was given.

I loved you with every fiber of my soul and I know you felt that love and returned it ten fold. I am so thankful that somehow we all knew to live life to the very fullest and be able to look back with no regrets.

Goodbye my sweet baby boy, I will always be your mommy and your spirit will continue to live on in everyone that loved you.

From Dad

Being a dad is the greatest job in the world, and nothing in my life has ever been more important to me. In the 2 ½ years that Kevin was with us, I got to be the dad of the silliest, most entertaining, and most inspirational little boy that I’ve ever met. I am so thankful for every moment I got to spend with that little man and how he changed my life for the better.

Kevin taught me that even against the worst odds, there is always hope. Never give up. And even if your life story is short, you can still live every day to the fullest. Kevin never realized he was born with a heart that was not meant to work correctly. Sure, he had many doctor visits and checkups and x-rays and he took 3 medicines every morning and night. But to him this was just every day life, and a minor distraction from pulling the wagon around, riding his toy car, watching Baby Einstein, and having dance parties on the fireplace ledge. It didn’t matter to Kevin that his days may be limited – he lived every one to the fullest and with no regrets. He taught me that even if I had yard work to do and a long list of things to get done, none of that was as important as taking a walk or just laying in the hammock together for an hour.

There was just something about the way Kevin carried himself that was unique. He had a special way of walking and swinging his arms that looked he was ready to conquer the world. He was so proud of his jumping ability, even though he never once quite made it off the ground. He loved to run down the hallway in his running shoes, yelling “run! run!” and thinking that was just the silliest thing ever. His dance moves are some of the best I’ve ever seen, with his elbow-up-in-the-air move that always entertained.

Kevin loved keys - especially my keys. Every night when I got home from work, I would hear him yell “daddy!” as I came up the stairs, but I knew that what he really wanted was to play with my keys. I always made him give me a big hug first and he would pat my back and say “awww” but then immediately focus on the keys. Once he had them he would find the lock button on the remote and push it until he heard the car beep in the garage and he would say “beep!” as if he had done his job.

Little boy, I already miss you more than I can even express. I miss watching you sit on the lawnmower for 45 minutes, pretending to drive it and never wanting to get down. I miss taking walks down the street and bike rides around the neighborhood with you yelling “whee!” as we go around corners. I miss reading you books - especially “Goodnight Baby” every night before bed. I miss brushing our teeth together in the morning, and you handing me my razor and saying “daddy?” because you knew it was the one you weren’t allowed to play with. I miss your little quirks that made you who you are, and your passion for everyday things that made you happy. You loved your foam coffee cups for some odd reason, and that made us smile. I miss hearing you say “yeth!” and “more!” and you giving me five. I miss your gentle head lean during hugs and your random puckering of lips, wanting a kiss. I miss the joy and happiness that you brought to our house every single day.

At a time like this, it’s natural to wonder how to talk to me and Dawn, what to say and what not to say, and what will bring us comfort. Let me share my feelings.

Love your children. Play with them around us and make them giggle. Enjoy them. Seeing kids play reminds us of the good times that we enjoyed with Kevin.

Laugh. Although we are grieving, we can’t imagine our life without jokes and laughter. It helps us to relieve stress and have moments of escape which we need so much. Laughing does not mean we don’t miss our boy. It means we are living life how he taught us to.

Share your memories with us. Tell us about the things that you loved about Kevin, and special memories that you have. Tell us that he made you smile. If something reminds you of him, tell us. Don’t worry that you will say or do something that will remind us of Kevin and make us upset. We want to be reminded. We want to know that he mattered to people, and that their lives were changed by knowing him. We want to know that he was an important part of your life. We want to know that he will be missed and remembered, and can still bring a smile to peoples’ faces after he has gone.

One of my favorite quotes says “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”  My favorite memories of Kevin are all the little everyday things. Although he was only with us for 2 ½ years, we have so many happy memories and he has changed so many lives.

Goodbye little boy. Your daddy misses you, and loves you so, so much.

  1. 19 Responses to “”

  2. By Aunt Liz on May 8, 2008 | Reply

    You are both so beautiful and if I could take away your ache I would take it on in a instant! Kevin was so special and brought a special something to so many of us! You are blessed to have had Kevin and we are blessed to have you! You are special loved ones in my life that bring me joy and are so special! I have no other words but I feel with you! Love, Aunt Liz

  3. By Christine Fortson on May 9, 2008 | Reply

    It has blessed my heart this morning, to read your sweet letters to your son, Kevin. Though I did not know him, through your words I can see what a special boy he was. I will keep your words close to my heart as I watch my son continue to grow. Though the trials of raising a teenager can be great, I will remember to make the most of each and every day with him. Thank you for your courage to share your experience. God has given you a beautiful gift in Kevin, and he will live on in the lives of those he touched. And now, I am one of them.
    God bless you and your family.

  4. By shel on May 9, 2008 | Reply

    I wanted to share with you what Brandon did Wed. at school. Everyone was glad he was back to school and asked if he was feeling better. He told them,
    “I wasnt sick, but my little cousin was, and he went to heaven.”
    I told him Kevin was our friend and not our cousin. He was totally confused. He said, “But Mom, They are not our friends, they are more than friends, we have stayed at their house.” He seemed really upset and confused and then said “Mom, I love Dawn, and Matt, and Emily, and Kevin. Do you love friends?”
    I said yes, you can love friends.
    Then he asked if Nathan, Jeni, Noah, and Lily were our family. I laughed and said no. He still cant believe it since we have slept at your houses.

    So I thought you would enjoy knowing that Brandon thinks of you all as family, and loves you as such.

  5. By Jeni on May 9, 2008 | Reply

    Here I am at work again checking Kevin’s website. I am happy to see a new entry. I have been thinking about him and you guys on this Friday morning.

    Your letters to Kevin capture what we all love and remember about Kevin. You describe so much of his personality and the things that made us smile. I have a memory of him screaming and looking around with a big smile as if to say–I dare you to scold me. He certainly knew how loved he was. I am forever stuck with a really bulky key chain and that makes me smile every time I start the car.

  6. By Janelle Schremmer on May 9, 2008 | Reply

    I will never forget the few times I got to be with Kevin. I felt I already knew him because of all the pictures and stories I’d heard from Jeni and Nathan, but nothing prepared me for the sweetie I would meet. I think I fell in love that day as he sat on my lap and kissed my cheeks and filled the room with the happiest laughter I’d ever heard. His joy really was contagious and I can only imagine how happy he made you guys. I too will take the lessons of Kevin’s life and remember them each day as I deal with the good and the bad of raising a little boy. Already in the last week I think I’ve hugged and kissed him more than I ever have.

    We will always remember Kevin and he will forever be in our hearts and minds.

  7. By Rose on May 9, 2008 | Reply

    I send you and all your family my most positive thoughts and prayers for the strength to continue healthy bereavement which honors your son. It is apparent that Kevin’s short life was so very purposeful in teaching how to embrace love, be joyful and genuine, and to show what really is important. Such an enlightened spirit at such young an age! Blessings to you all.

  8. By Nathan on May 10, 2008 | Reply

    Kevin always untied my shoes. It didn’t matter where we were. If my shoes were within his reach he’d look up at me and pull the strings. Then he would give me a smile that made it seem as though it was our little joke. Don’t get me wrong – I knew anybody’s shoe was fair game. The point is that he made it feel as though it was something just between us.

    That was Kevin’s true gift – he made all of us feel special. I recall listening to Jeni tell me that she thought that she was Kevin’s favorite. I snickered to myself because I knew that I was his favorite. I guarantee, however, that everyone who has ever spent time with Kevin had the same feeling. He could make us all feel as though we were the most important person in the world. I think we can all agree on how very good that made us feel. And that we will miss it terribly.

    In many ways the world is a poorer place with Kevin’s passing. I feel badly for those who never will have the pleasure of knowing him. On the other Kevin has left me with many memories that I will treasure for the rest of my life. My life is much richer for having known him.

  9. By Tulisa Bollinger on May 10, 2008 | Reply

    I am one of many people that never had the opportunity to meet Kevin. However, thanks to all of the wonderful photos and letters that you have shared, I feel like he will always be a part of my life.

    Your stories remind me to cherish every moment with my girls and realize that the little things they do are life’s biggest treasures…even if it involves a Sharpie marker!

    Even though Kevin’s time on Earth was limited, he has touched many lives, including mine. Thank you for sharing your stories. May his memories forever live on in those that loved him!

  10. By Troy Schremmer on May 10, 2008 | Reply

    Matt and Dawn,
    Thank you for writing to little Kevin. You’re family stands in a grief that the rest of us cannot comprehend –at least I can’t. A parent cannot look at another parent who is grieving without feeling real loss. And so I thank you for letting us read Kevin’s letters. They are so tender and joyful –they give words to your grief but also give words to ours. Your love for Kevin shines.

    I think of Kevin and I see an outrageous smile that his face could barely contain. Perhaps his heart was just as outrageous. Perhaps it wasn’t too weak– maybe his heart just couldn’t be contained in one little body anymore. Mommy Dawn, you write that Kevin will continue to live on in everyone that loved him. How true. Kevin’s heart is now so big and so strong that it helps the rest of us with older, weaker, colder hearts to open up and keep loving our family and friends and children.

  11. By Iain on May 11, 2008 | Reply

    No parent should have to out live there children, I cannot being to understand how painful your loss is. Looking thru this site makes you realise how much you take for granted being a parent and the simple joys you take for granted. I for one realise how much I do take my own children for granted and it make me feel ashamed how I have been, but not anymore.

    Thank you for sharing this.

  12. By Dawn V. on May 11, 2008 | Reply

    Matt and Dawn,
    What I was trying to say through the lump in my throat at the visitation was that I was always impressed by how well-behaved Kevin was. The few times that I was around him, he was so content to just sit on Daddy’s lap during a ball game or sit with Mommy at a party. But this website shows that he was by no means a meek child! He had a mischievous streak just like any two year old! The many stories and videos here pay huge tribute to what wonderful parents you are and the enormous joy your children bring you. What a blessing it is to have this site to honor your sweet boy’s life, and hopefully it is a comfort to you to know that so many people have been touched by him and are thinking of you during this difficult time. Your strength is amazing, and your words have reminded me to enjoy the small things in life. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

  13. By Sarah Mescher on May 11, 2008 | Reply

    I am in a talen show on 15th of may and I am doing the song ordinary mircals by Sarah magloclin and I am hopefully going to have a video of kevin if that is ok with u I am doing the song in memory of him so it would be nice if you would come but I understand if you don’t I am Amy mescher’s daughter if you didn’t know already

    Bye

  14. By Vindya on May 12, 2008 | Reply

    I came across your website at work and was moved by your strength, courage and wisdom in your time of grief. You are both extraordinary parents. I’m so sorry for your tender loss. Kevin came into this world to teach us love and compassion for everyone.
    I Thank you for sharing your story.

  15. By Larry G. on May 13, 2008 | Reply

    How very much your words have helped me. My wife was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Your reminder through Kevin of what’s important has caused my heart to settle down. I am so sorry for your grief and so grateful for your sharing.

  16. By Phil on May 13, 2008 | Reply

    Matt and Dawn,
    I don’t know you guys personally but found your site while doing some coding. Being a father of 3 small ones, I can’t imagine what you are going through or what words I could say to take away any pain. I stayed up last night because this touched me in a way that I cannot describe. I want to thank you for sharing Kevin’s story with all of us. It truly has made me rethink my time with my own kids in how I should approach the day to day activities. I spent an hour in bed just thinking and crying about this which is highly unusual. I did not even cry at my own grandmother’s funeral, but your courage in this time of your grief is extraordinary and I only hope to be as good of a parent as you both are. I have been trying to think about what I would say to you both and the only thing I can come up with is that with time comes healing, and with prayer comes peace and understanding that only God can give. Even though I don’t know you, I want you to both know that your Kevin will be missed even by people that didn’t know him and that maybe the reason why he was taken so early was to imprint a life long change on other people. This inspiring change that imprints on others is Kevin’s legacy and his story and your example will never be forgotten. In Brotherly Love, Phil

  17. By Linda on May 13, 2008 | Reply

    I never had the opportunity to meet you or your beautiful son. Jeni Tacket has asked me to pray for him this last time he was so ill. And she shared a bit about him with me. and she has provided me your web site as well. What a beautiful young man God allowed you to have. Even for such a short time. While he was here he obvioulsy taught you much about living life and loving. What an awesome gift God gave you in that little boy. You were totally blessed. In keeping his memory and what he taught you alive, and sharing with all of us you are blessing everyone who did not know him. My daughter is grown, and I still show her as much love as I can. Life is always too short, and we are never promised tomorrow, so to love and live each day to the fullest is so important. Thank you for allowing me to know you and your wonderful little boy through this way. I pray God’s special annointing on every word written here and that He continue to strengthen you both and bless you abundantly.

  18. By Nathaniel Beall on May 13, 2008 | Reply

    I can’t even imagine what you are feeling and going through. I’m very sorry to hear about your loss.

  19. By Rachel on May 13, 2008 | Reply

    I am so sorry! I don’t even know you guys and reading about Kevin has really touched my heart and made me teary. He sounds like such a happy and wonderful kid.

  20. By Mark Bedell on May 15, 2008 | Reply

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am a parent and have tqo wonderfull boys. I know how I would feel if I lost them. No parent should EVER have to bury their children. God may have a plan but I sure wish we understood it better.

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